Retrospect

When I was ten I was one of those little girls that dreamed of meeting a prince who would sweep me off my feet, would fall in love with me, and would live in one of those happily-ever-afters. When I was fifteen I realized that not many of these "princes" exist in real life. When I was sixteen I started thinking about my future timeline: college, medical school, engaged for 5 years, married and with kids by 27. When I was eighteen I realized that I enjoyed biology, hated chemistry and science apparently hated me in return (based on grades). I also realized that I did not want to go to medical school, and the engaged for 5 years and married with kids by 27 was still part of the plan. When I was almost nineteen I met Jeremy, realized that the man I envisioned when I was ten was real and had fallen in love with me as well. When I was twenty I realized that a 5 year engagement was extremely long and why should you wait that long to marry the one that you love? When I was twenty two I realized that the real world was difficult to get established in and that the 4 years of college I had just finished with a degree in Psychology left me uncertain about what I was passionate in doing career-wise. This is also the year that I realized having children comes with a lot of responsibility - financially, physically, emotionally.

I am twenty five now, nearing twenty six. Reflecting on my timeline...I finished college and managed to get accepted into a Masters program working towards a career that I am genuinely passionate about. I did not go to medical school, but am happy with my decision. I have not been engaged for five years, but have been in a healthy relationship for over seven. Clearly not being engaged means I'm not married, nor am I anywhere near ready to have children.

Many things can change over a 15 year span. Many things change even in a year. I think the problem with making these time lines is that it forces us to forget what is going on in the present and how these current experiences affect and effect us. Having a general idea of what you want out of life is a positive thing, but limiting your opportunities and experiences to fit them can lead to negative results and feelings. As I see more people around me getting engaged, having children, buying new homes, establishing their careers, I start feeling envious and saddened by the fact that they're experiencing all these new stages and steps in their lives that I thought I'd be closer to experiencing at this point. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all that I have...it's just interesting to retrospect and wonder what ten year old me would think of this twenty five year old me...

Annoyance

I have less patience than I used to for people that are rude and inconsiderate. Apparently it has gotten to a point where it bothers me so much that I had to write a blog entry about it. Hopefully future blog entries will be more interesting...

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is on Thursday, so I figured now would be a good time to list some things I am thankful for. One reminder though, you don't have to wait until Thanksgiving/November to be thankful for what you have...

Things I am Thankful For

1. Jeremy

I don't even know where to start... He's there for me all the time, encourages me, pushes me to challenge myself, tells me about the potential he sees in me, completes me and makes me better. Kind words, sweet kisses, warm hugs and love are still as wonderful from him now as they were seven years ago when we first started dating. I'm also thankful for his awesome family that's always so welcoming and loving whenever I visit/see them.

2. My parents

Because they love me unconditionally and continually promise to do so always. I appreciate their hard work towards providing the best they can for me. I also appreciate all that I've learned from them - mainly to have a kind heart, help those that need help, offer a smile, and possibly the most applied lesson, when you love someone - show them daily.

3. FFFCUP & Friends

FFFCUP - I couldn't have asked for better best friends forever. Another year that shows that regardless of distance, we still manage to stay as close as ever. Though, I do wish Tracy was closer...I miss her. Friends - I have also been blessed with wonderful friends that I always have amazing times with.

4. FAMILY - mainly my cousins.

Probably not many other people in my life that I can laugh so hard with all the time. They know all of my flaws, yet still love me. They're like the brothers and sisters I've always wanted, and got, but don't have to be around all the time...if that makes sense, haha.

5. Improvements in my life.

I've lost some weight - still not at my goal, but I've been attempting to take better care of myself, which is a plus. I'm doing well in my graduate program. I'm starting to really take some time to think of what makes me happy and do things that work towards that goal.

There are many things to be thankful for, but these are just a few of mine.

RIP Ashlynn Conner

This story broke my heart, as most stories of suicide often do:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/ashlynn-conner-ten-year-o_n_1092683.html

I think the most disturbing part of this story is that she was only 10 years old. How can 10 year olds have so much hatred for one another? My little cousin Justin is 10. My nephew in California is 10. At 10 years old, children should be enjoying life, being able to learn new things about the world, having fun with their friends, spending time with their family, not harassing each other and calling one another names like "slut".

This saddens me so much, and really affected me. I am in graduate school now hoping to be a school counselor someday. We hear all of these stories about the bullying that goes on in high school and college, sometimes at the middle school level, but rarely about bullying in earlier grades. I've said it before, reflecting on it after Tyler Clementi took his life, but I can never stress enough how important it is to respect one another, to appreciate life, to be helpful and patient, and offering kindness to others. I honestly think that these are some of the most important lessons any parent, aunt, uncle, guardian, brother, sister, etc. can teach and pass on to the next generation.

Life is too short, and 10 years of age is too young for a life to be lost.

Pretty or Unpretty

We watched another video in my multicultural class last night. It discussed how a person's attractiveness affects not only how others perceive them, but the opportunities they get as well. The video put hidden cameras on two individuals going for an interview for the same job - a very attractive person and an ordinary-looking person. The results showed that 5 out of 5 times, the very attractive person received the immediate job offer, even though they were highly under qualified for the job. One employer even said to the attractive person, "well you definitely look like a stockbroker so you're hired", even though in the interview the man had only answered with a couple "yes" and "no" replies and mostly "mhm". The video went on to show that young students also valued a teacher with more attractiveness, and associated better teaching skills to them as well.

I found this video interesting. I never realized how the value of being attractive is instilled into children's minds. The students on the video were first/second graders. It makes you wonder, when we're trying to always teach children that looks aren't everything and how you are as a person also matters a lot, do they always understand that when society tells them otherwise? Even though I consider myself an open-minded and accepting person, I still notice times in my own life when I become judgmental and form opinions based on how a person looks. It is probably something I should work on.

It also makes me realize more how unfair the world is. If we're supposed to be setting high value on an individual's personality and not just their appearance, there wouldn't be statistics this alarming. Maybe I need to improve my appearance to increase the likelihood of getting a job. There's that saying, "nice guys finish last"...but maybe it's only the nice guys (and girls) that are also unfortunately, unattractive. go figure.