I love you uncle

And if you were here tonight

I'd sing to you just one more time

A song for a heart so big

God wouldn't let it live...

May angels lead you in.

R.I.P Uncle Totoy. Thank you for always being kind, always being patient, and being one of the most sincere and selfless people I have ever known. You were and always will be an inspiration to others, and I am glad that you were part of my life. I know that you are in a better place now and no longer in pain. We will all miss you so much, but know that you were a great uncle, great father, great brother, great friend, and wonderful husband. We are reassured knowing that you are now with God and that he has a new angel watching over our family. We love you and always will.

When You Believe

In this time of fear

When prayer so often proved in vain

Hope seemed like the summer birds

Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here

With heart so full, I can't explain

Seeking faith and speaking words

I never thought I'd say...

-- When You Believe, Prince of Egypt Soundtrack

Still trying to stay positive and hopeful. It is all I can do at this point.

Hope

Last Christmas I spent the majority of the day alone in my house wishing I were somewhere else and thinking of how "miserable" my life was because no one seemed to care about me. In retrospect, it was selfish and dramatic.

This Christmas, I was able to spend part of the morning with Jeremy's family. I really do love them. And I lost track of time playing with his cousin's 17 month old son, Zeke - super adorable, super friendly, little boy with tons of energy, an adorable dance and made my heart melt with his laughter, smile and the way he walked after me when I was leaving and waved goodbye to me. The mass at Church this morning was inspirational, as Christmas mass usually is, and made me thankful to be Christian. I spent the rest of the day with some of my relatives, yet we were joined together because of a sad situation..It is times like this when I realize again that I am so blessed to have a wonderful family full of individuals that truly and honestly care for one another. Times like this also put into perspective how short life is and how important it is to appreciate not only items that can be bought and wrapped to be opened on Christmas, but also the people we have in our lives and the relationships that we create with them. After all of the stress, sadness, and grieving that went on today, I am still hoping for the best and a miracle.

Barf.

I think if I see another facebook status update about being engaged followed by a million "!!!"s and also photo updates about "the most amazing gifts from the most amazing boyfriends/girlfriends" I am going to barf.

Solitude

When a person enjoys being alone, he or she is usually thought to be an anti-social person. The majority of people plan vacations with significant others, relatives, or groups of friends. Is it anti-social behavior to want to go on a vacation alone?

Bottom line - I want to go on a vacation by myself. It is not because I am anti-social. It is not because I hate being with my family, boyfriend, or friends. But rather, I'd like to experience a short get-away where I can reflect, relax, and re-energize. I feel very overwhelmed and I exert so much effort in establishing and maintaining relationships that I would very much just like some "me" time.

Cold Weather Pairings

Is too much green tea ever a bad thing? Can you overdose on antioxidants? I sure hope not, because hot green tea has become my new favorite study buddy during these last few COLD weeks of the semester (also because Charu is vacationing in India, so I have no one to study with at the library).

Another cold weather must for me are my gloves. I got these faux leather gloves from Target at the end of last winter's season clearance at $1.50! They have been another life saver when I venture out into the cold.

I'll have to bundle up this Sunday when I go to the Meadowlands for the Eagles vs. Giants game!! It'll be my first time going to an NFL game, and it should be a great matchup too! Yay for cousins who make good money and love me enough to bring me along :)

Essay for tonight's class was finished on Sunday morning. Case study for tomorrow's class 75% done. Have to do some studying tonight - tomorrow for tomorrow evening's final, BUT it'll be my final final and then I will be one semester closer to being a MASTER...of the arts :P

Updates

Sorry for the late update about my 5K run! I've been busy with the last few items I need to complete before the end of the semester. BUT the run went well. I accomplished my humble goals of actually finishing the whole thing, not finishing last, and finishing under an hour! It was challenging, especially with the cold weather, and my muscles were sore for 2 days, but it was definitely well worth it and I have a sense of accomplishment for having participated in the run! Plus, I was able to well exceed my fundraising goal and somehow managed to raise a whopping $535 for the arthritis foundation! Thanks for all of your encouragement and love friends :)

In other news, with Christmas fast approaching, I've been taking any free time I have to shop for presents. My new favorite companion is Amazon.com and their free shipping eligibility. I still have no idea what to buy my mother for christmas though...but in the process of my search, I happen to come across these shoes:

Gold Glitter Heels

I don't really know how I'd be able to walk in them, considering usually when I walk in heels I look awkward and unbalanced, but they're pretty. And would also be the perfect accessory for an outfit that I am planning if my 25th in AC works out...

Anyway, should get back to more studying. I only have one case study and one final on Wednesday to complete and study for and then my first semester of graduate school will be complete! :)

5K Update 3

Tomorrow is the big day!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Actually, I am EXTREMELY nervous. I'm going through all of the worries and nervousness that I get before I do a presentation...times ten. I'm hoping my practice runs are good indicators of how well I'll do tomorrow. One negative is that I've been running with my ipod, but I won't be able to do that for the event tomorrow since Ipods aren't allowed. I guess I know enough song lyrics to just hum something or sing in my head...or, since it is the "Jingle Bell Run" and they'll be giving us bells to tie to our shoelaces, maybe I can make a song from my running pace.

Wish me luck! I'll try to post up some pictures (if I, or my parents who decided to come out tomorrow to support me, or how my mother put it, "you'll need someone to drive you home because you'll be so tired!", remember to take some pictures) with an update!

Ch ch ch changes

I have an essay due in class tonight. I have one more page to write, which isn't too bad considering I thought I had finished the essay yesterday, went to bed at 2am and woke up to edit it, only to realize that I was probably half asleep while I was writing it, which could explain the terrible grammar and incoherence evident throughout the entire thing. So I had to start all over.

And of course I'm still procrastinating and trying to find other ways to distract myself from writing the paper, so I'm updating my blog. I also just finished browsing through some of my old facebook photo albums. Somewhere between viewing old pictures from HS & college and new pictures from this year, I realized I've changed. Physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, socially. Some changes are more noticeable than others, but they're all there. I'm still not sure if I'm happy with all of them, but I guess I'm still in the process of finding out who "I" really am.

Not sure if there was a point to this entry, with signs pointing to a need to waste more time instead of being productive, but just felt like getting some of my thoughts out.