It's hard to realize that you have to have less "magical" expectations and simply have "practical" ones. I'm searching hard to find something concrete that will bring me true happiness, but am coming up empty handed. My best friends are probably the closest thing. With them I experience good and bad times, but through it all I am ALWAYS happy. Unfortunately, I can't hold on to them and bring them with me wherever I go or talk to them 24/7. Nonetheless, I am proud of the people they are and am happy that they're off venturing the world, tackling challenging exams like the MCAT and LSAT, and attempting great things and achieving at them.
In a semi-related topic, I am slowly starting to not want children anymore. Reading that last sentence brings me nearly to tears because if you know me, you'd know that having children and becoming a mom is, was, one of my life goals. I just feel like that whole part of my life is nowhere in reach and I fear that I'll never be able to reach it. Same things goes for engagement and marriage, but that's a whole other complicated story...
It just feels like so many of my expectations and dreams are slowly slipping away and that none of my dreams will become "happily ever afters". And, like one could guess, it makes me sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment