Music, FFFCUP and Rider

I like a wide variety of music from Vivaldi to Backstreet Boys, and Opeth to Disney songs. I've been spending a lot of time sitting outside in my backyard sketching and listening to inspirational songs. I've also been attempting 2 painting pieces, all the while listening to music. The combination of fun songs to sing along to, or great lyrics packed with lots of meaning, and a relaxing hobby makes for increased happiness. At least for me anyway.

I am probably the luckiest person to have not one, but THREE amazing best friends. They are like the sisters I never had. From sharing personal triumphs, downfalls, worries, hopes, wishes, laughs, cries, etc, I love them more and more every day. We are all different in many ways, but work really well together. It's always great to know there are people you can always count on and know you, sometimes better than you even know yourself. Diane, Tracy, and Pascale, I love you.

I've decided to go to Rider starting Fall 2010. I signed the confirmation of attendance form, completed the class registration form, and mailed it all out this morning. After talking to my best friends this weekend/hearing their advice, I decided I needed to do what I wanted. Rider is my number one choice and I'm honored that they accepted me. I guess it's kind of like boyfriends/significant others...sometimes you have to ignore what others think and maybe the individual won't be "ideal" in others eyes, but to you and for you, he/she/it is absolutely perfect.

Decisions

I care too much about what other people think of me. I think I always have, but I really wish I didn't.

I'm always so focused on making decisions based on whether or not they'll please/look good to other people, and often disregard whether or not it will make me happy.

In HS, I got accepted into 3 colleges, but chose Rutgers and always hated the rep that Rutgers gets with in-state students, especially coming from a HS where most people were getting into Ivy leagues. I hated it when people would say, "yeah, I just went to Rutgers", with the emphasis on "just". The use of "just" emphasizes that there were other choices and the individual is just settling. I enjoy my undergraduate experience at Rutgers and believed and still believe that it is a great school.

That being said, I feel like I'm back in Senior Year of HS when everyone was busy asking what schools everybody else got accepted to. The only grad school that is willing to accept me so far has been Rider University. My group interview there a few weeks ago allowed me to get to know 2 of the faculty members and I left the school feeling positive and eager to attend it. Actually, the faculty and program details impressed me so much that it even climbed straight to the top of my list of schools that I want to go to. That being said, I don't know why I'm still waiting for other schools that placed me on the waitlist, to respond. But I think it's all related to my first sentence in this post. A few people have told me "oh, you're just going to Rider?" I don't know how this sentence is supposed to show any support or excitement, but apparently to these people it does? I don't get it because after hearing that, all I think of is that they think this school is a terrible choice and pity me for only getting accepted at this one place.

I don't know the point of this entry, but I think the majority of my entries don't have points. It is always therapeutic to just let all of your feelings out though. So I'm left sitting here waiting for other schools that aren't even my top choices, where I'm not even guaranteed a position, while I could just confirm my acceptance at the school I really want to go to. So why haven't I already?

I really need to stop thinking and caring so much about what everyone wants for me, about what everyone thinks of me, and just go with my gut instincts and follow my own desires/needs/wants. Otherwise, I might end up back to the same position I was in last year with nothing to do and feeling like my life is going nowhere...and everyone knows that I don't want that.