Just in time for Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I thought a blog with a list of things I am thankful for, would be appropriate.

1.) Being alive.

2.) My three best friends. All of which, have made #1 a whole lot better. It's nice to know that I'll always have them there for me no matter what. And even if we don't see each other a whole lot, we still love each other and when we do hang out, nothing changes.

3.) Jeremy. Not everyone would be able to spend a whole 5+ years dealing with me and loving me...I'm thankful for our love and our relationship that continues to grow and continues to teach both of us how to become better.

4.) My parents.

5.) My cousins. Like the brothers and sisters I've never had - the people that I can ALWAYS count on and never cease to make me laugh until my tummy hurts. And the people that appreciate my culinary skills too :P

6.) Friendship - both old and new ones.

Lately, I've been thinking about all of the friends I've lost touch with over the years and missing them and regretting having not put in more effort to keep them in my life. However, I've come to realize that we can't keep everyone around forever, that people move, move on, change, etc... So instead of dwelling in what used to be and wishing it were still there, it's better to enjoy the memories and just be hopeful that wherever they are, they're happy.

These past couple of years have been challenging for me. I've had to face, and am still facing, obstacles that I was unprepared for. But along with great friends, a great family and a great boyfriend, I've been able to handle them and am in the process of becoming a better person.

I guess this is another blog entry rambling on and on when I really just wanted to make one good and solid point about what I am thankful for...SO, I am thankful for Love, Happiness, Friendship, Hardships, and Family, all of which I have so greatly experienced, and all of which have shaped my life into what it is now and what it is soon becoming.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Blame it on the weatherman

The weather has been insane lately. It has caused me to look like a fool wearing sweaters, scarves and winter boots on 70+ degree days and sandals and no jacket on the coldest of days. The weather seems to be reflective of my life at the moment. As soon as I'm prepared for one thing, another completely different situation is thrown at me instead. Everyone reminds me that life is full of hurdles and it's just a matter of getting over them and finally reaching the finish line (your goal). I never liked useless metaphors to explain life lessons, and that one in particular is not very reassuring since I know that hurdlers need not actually CLEAR the hurdles in order to finish the race (i.e. HS crush). So where does that leave me? Confused, uncertain, feeling hopeless.

Fortunately for me, I can look to the examples of my friends who have also been throw more than their own fair share of hurdles and have not only finished the race, but won the gold (okay, so much for hating metaphors...jeez I'm a hypocrite). In other words, they've had to fight hard to get to where they are today. My mom used to tell me that when she was in Medical school she didn't do very well the first year or so and thought to herself when she received her first less-than-average grades, staring at the A's and B's of the classmates around her, "what do they have that I don't?" and "What can I do to be as great as them?". I'm trying to change my way of thinking and trying to gain the capability of thinking more, dare I say it, like my mother. I need to stop coming from a tough situation feeling hopeless and instead accept it, learn from it and gear that frustration into hope and motivation. I need more determination and self-confidence. I stare at my friends all of the time with envy filling my eyes and admiration filling my heart, and though this is great and showing of my genuine friendship with these individuals, it gets me nowhere to simply be a spectator and not try to be part of them. Part of the group that can say "success" and feel accomplished.

Additionally, I've complained recently about how much I hate feeling judged by others. I think all of my aggression and dislike towards judging is because I am my hardest critic. It's hard to convince others that you are an amazing person when you don't believe it...it really just ends up making you feel like the fakest person ever. I'm attempting to change that by learning to love myself more - of course not to the point of Narcissism, but at least to a point where I can honestly believe, "hey, I'm a great person with a good heart that can do great things". Once I can believe that, I think the rest of the people around me can start to really believe it too.

I'm working on improving myself in many ways and hoping that the end result will be not only good, but GREAT.