This is disturbing in many ways. First of all, this is a young man who had many years of life ahead of him and it is sad to think of the endless possibilities the future held for him, but will now never be known. It also saddens me that he felt there were no other options, no one to talk to, no other forms of dealing with this bullying. Granted, I'm not saying that the two students who were responsible for setting up the webcam and broadcasting/tweeting about it had any right to do so, but I'm just saddened that he felt there were no other ways to deal with the situation.
It also bothers me how anyone can invade others' privacy and use the internet in attempts to either humiliate or "expose" somebody. Acts of intimacy and sexuality, whether they are heterosexual, homosexual, transgender, etc, are meant to be kept between the individuals that are involved in it. There's no reason to invade your roommate's privacy and to broadcast it to the world without he or she knowing. And to read the tweets that this student posted, "yes it's happening again", is unnecessary and should be unacceptable.
Additionally, this story hits me even harder because the two students being charged are from the other HS in my town (North) and are all Rutgers students. I assume these students were both raised in households that would never approve of this sort of torment/bullying/invasion of privacy. As one of the articles I linked stated, Rutgers is a diverse community and it made me happy to hear about the start of a courtesy and kindness campaign initiated a couple months ago. Unfortunately, the campaign did not seem to reach everybody and bullying/harassment still occurs, as evident in this tragedy.
When I first read about this incident, I was saddened (the second suicide that has effected/affected me in the short time span of a couple months - the first being Mr. Welsh's). Suicide is always a difficult topic to discuss, and always upsets me when I hear about it - maybe it's because of my desire to be a counselor and a listening ear to any of my friends who are in need. Then I was angry, mainly at the two students who set up this webcam broadcasting. But regardless of whether this makes you angry, sad, frustrated, etc, I think it can teach many things. Lately, I've been trying to think positively about everything, or rather see the lessons that each experience offers.
The bottom line is that everyone should follow the golden rule - treat others how you would like to be treated. Before doing any actions, one should really consider the consequences and impact. If Tyler Clementi's roommate had stopped to do this, perhaps he wouldn't have gone ahead with it. Secondly, we need to become more accepting of others. Acceptance does not mean that you need to agree 100% with what others say, do or feel, but being open-minded and appreciating peoples' differences from ourselves will make us better people. Everyone is different - there are no two people that are exactly alike (even identical twins have differences), and often this diversity allows us to learn new things about others and offers insight that we may not have experienced had we ignored the differences or faced them with intolerance. Lastly, being in a program that is to prepare me for school counseling, the rise of bullying/harassment in school settings bothers me and the addition of this story greatly increases my desire to continue pursuing to be a counselor and hopefully one day being able to prevent another tragedy like this from occurring.
I am not sure what the final charges will be against Ravi and Wei, but whatever they are, one thing is certain - they have ruined their own lives too. Charges of invasion of privacy & possibly manslaughter are certainly not easy ones to explain in the future.
This tragedy directly effected three students' lives, but hopefully the lessons that are offered from it can be learned by everyone who hears it. People need to start learning how to appreciate and accept each other. You may not agree with others, but please learn to respect them. We are ALL people and life is something to be valued.
Regardless of what the other two kids did, I just find it sad that he felt there was no way out or no one to talk to. But I also think that Tyler was unsure of himself, but I think everyone is uncertain at that age (your first year of college). Overall the whole situation just upset me because everyone should have something to live for and this kid felt like his life choices were a reason to kill himself and I think even if these kids did not webcam him, it was only a matter of time before he did what he did.
ReplyDeleteIs it just that we're growing up, or does our good and safe town seem not so much anymore? I always think of scary things like this as happening far away, but it's right here too...and for someone else those faraway happenings were right there for them.
ReplyDeleteGood entry...saying everything I ever could. Hope to see you soon...maybe painting pottery or just studying with a croissant!
Gamal - I understand your points and agree that it is sad that he felt there was no other way out. It makes me sad to think that individuals who commit suicide feel that there are no other options and that they have no one to console. It is difficult to speculate whether or not he would have committed suicide even if the webcam invasion of privacy had not occurred, but I definitely think it escalated this situation and his panic and insecurities. No one will know for sure what was going through Tyler's mind before he killed himself, but it's not hard to speculate that had he not been taped via webcam, he may have had the time to join support groups or talk to a counselor.
ReplyDeleteLaura - I think that's why this story has been upsetting me so much - it involves students at North AND Rutgers. Yes, let's please hang out soon! I'll message you when I'm free, but I think pottery painting might be what I need to relax...
what, i would like to go pottery painting!
ReplyDeletebut lindsay, i agree with your sentiments here.. and this is a very sad story indeed. however, it's also been hard to watch everything else that is unfolding now onto Raiv and Wei. and i can almost see what the asian community is gossiping and badmouthing about these two families in WWP. (don't know if it's actually true, but just from all the comments from several news articles and facebook). this also adds to an already terribly unfortunate story.
"only a matter of time before he did what he did"?
ReplyDeleteIt seems presumptuous to assume, given the way that society at large and many of Clementi's peers view and deride homosexuality, that this was the isolated, irrational act of a kid with a death wish.
http://gawker.com/5651659/is-this-webcam-spying-victim-tyler-clementis-last-call-for-help
I dunno, I have to disagree with your point, Laura. While its definitely scary that kids from our town were responsible for such cruelty, I don't think it came out of nowhere. This became more clear as I moved away and lived life outside of WWP.
ReplyDeleteCruelty was fairly rampant (albeit to a much smaller scale) at WWP-HSN but was always handled ineffectively. I found that acts of cruelty were swept under the rug and tormenters were readily forgiven by authority figures because "they're good kids with great grades" - which so many of us were. My bad behavior was always excused when I acted out, and I'm willing to bet Dharun and Molly experienced the same thing. Whenever I got in trouble, I was never sorry for my actions - just mad at myself for being stupid enough to get caught. I don't think WWP bred a generation of homophobic cyberbullies, but I do believe it bred bright, ambitious, high achievers who lacked empathy and awareness, had 0% accountability for their actions, and could point to their laundry list of achievements to get themselves off the hook.
That being said, I could easily see my college-freshman self doing something terrible without even thinking about the consequences. I'm not defending Dharun and Molly by any means, but I can see how this spiraled out of control. My gut tells me that the intent wasn't to torment Tyler or to crucify the gay kid - I don't think they even thought that far ahead. I think this was Dharun's selfish, short-sighted attempt to vindicate himself for being wronged by his roommate - in this case, getting sexiled from his room. There were definitely homophobic undertones here, clearly evident by his Tweets, but I believe Tyler's sexuality was bonus justification for Dharun's actions, not the primary. This absolutely does not excuse Dharun and Molly, but I believe it sheds additional insight into what went wrong - a key piece of the puzzle people are neglecting when discussing the more sensational points of this tragedy.
I hope my cynical, off-center view of this situation hasn't upset anyone who has read this. To be clear, I am completely aghast with what happened: this was an avoidable tragedy in which two individuals come out clearly at fault. But I think it would be remiss to avoid examining what we could have done differently (we = dorm-mates, Rutgers school administrators, Dharun and Molly's parents, Tyler's parents, the WWP community, etc) to prevent this from happening just because Dharun and Molly are (finally) being held accountable for their actions. The media might try to characterize WWP as a breeding ground for bigots and bullies, but to do so would be an easy and sensationalist misdiagnosis. WWP's actual problem is engendering an environment that allows kids grow up with a false sense entitlement and 0% accountability - and things can not change unless we address the true root of our problems.